a day after christmas, i went out with zoe (my sis) and corina (a friend)… we watched zsazsa zaturnnah at SM and, boy, it was a blast… i was drooling over zsazsa padilla’s lipoed body and pops fernandez’ skinny legs… ash inn! tulo pati dugo ug singot sa akong kaibog! i can only say one thing: PUNYEMAS! DOLPHY, ANG SWERTE MO!

and rustom also sucked the guts out of me… siyeeet, he looked better than carmina villaroel! ganun ba talaga yun, nagiging kamukha mo yung ex-wife mo after annulment?! basta, pasalamat sya bakla ang loka! shokla, lami kaayo kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! patilaw bi!

early this morning i had my lungs checked again for pneumonia… the x-ray result says negative, and the doctor thinks that my coughing is just an allergic reaction to dust and all that is dirty… in short, damak daw ko… char lang!

nadisgrasya akong 800 sa check-up, x-ray, tambal, kaon, plete, ug pedicure while waiting sa doctor… manang, pobre na kaayo ko pag-exit nako sa hospital… nisamot pa gyud ug sa dihang natagbuan nako akong kinugos… lagapak na pud ang 100 kay pinaskuhan kuno… peste,  lupig pa ang taxi meter sa kakusog sa patak sa dutch!

anyway, i’m waiting for my bonus sa sk thingy nako… putragis nang seattle, 500 ra akong natete sa 13th month pay… arang kasensilyo na lang jud! kulang pa na plete padulong toril! waaaah, kelangan nako ug DOM now na!

speaking of DOM… my korean student told me about her husband’s male friend who’s itching to dig a brown vagina… and guess what, she sounded as if she’s recommending him to me! helloeur! giluod akong bitok, nakipag-shake hands pa naman ko atong ungoa! bahong kimchi! langsa! pwe! purya! 

up to now, i’m still trying to figure where my freakin’ chest had gone… my x-ray result says negative chest, and i’m betting it translates to missing chest or something so i thought of looking for it the whole week… waaaah… (T_T)

i still have this terrible cough, and i can’t seem to spit out the phlegm coz it’s holding on to my lungs like a baby monkey on a momma gorilla’s back… shit, what have i done to deserve this?! i’ve tried a lot of medications and still this thing won’t get out of my system!

i can’t enjoy fruit shakes and ice cream… i can’t even eat sweets! how can i have a merry holiday when all i take is medicine plus water?! i even have a strong feeling that i have TB already… my goodness, i can’t die now! i’m one bad grass (masamang damo?), an evil child, i need more time on earth to convert!

i’m shedding pounds and i dunno whether to be grateful or not… well, i’m happy to have worn my 27-inch-waist pants which i last wore when i was 18… that’s a big yehey, i know… but hey, it’s not just weight loss. there are also night sweats plus vomiting. sadly, they are symptoms of pneumonia!… that can’t be!… huhuhu… they say pneumonia needs a couple of months to cure, but i can’t take a leave that long. i’ve got plenty of work to do! i’ve to tend to my constituents in our barangay and also to feed the minds of kimchi-eating aliens with english grammar…

wait, i know i have to make health a priority… so early tomorrow, i’m going to the doctor and have him/her check my lungs… i was supposed to go last weekend but i got so busy that i wasn’t able to squeeze in time for a check-up. and after, movie dates with my cousins and friends… yahoo!

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i went gift-shopping at Victoria Plaza last week and i bumped into May Princess, college classmate. she looked quite different, tired and thin… she’s normally thin but, now, thinner… it’s a good thing i didn’t pursue applying in call centers because of so much stress it can cause me. poor girl, she’s planning to resign any day now.

another friend, miko, was fortunate enough to meet bryanboy in flesh at Greenhills last week… waah, mga bakla! kainggit! bryanboy is a fabulous fag blogger, check his site at www.bryanboy.typepad.com … 

one of my korean students, chester, gave me a gift… such a sweet tot… a cute teddy bear! <kyopta>! i gave him a ballpen and a big pencil in return… hehe… pobre man ko…

we had an opening ceremony for our new office at landco last saturday… and since my boss is korean, he invited all korean students plus his churchmates… i had the chance to witness a korean worship/blessing and it felt super weird listening to their cult-like christian songs… the only word i understood in the whole duration of the ceremony was their ‘amen.’

corina insists for a movie marathon tomorrow… waaah, mamobre ko ug samot! someone please adopt me beh! now na! huhuhu…

christmas won’t be too merry anymore this year. i had just lost my greatgrandfather (november) and uncle (december). should we celebrate? how? they say that people shouldn’t mourn over someone’s death, instead it should be thanked for coz it only means that they’re free from sufferings and all that.

but i have a problem. they both died of pneumonia plus other complicated illnesses. i have been in contact with them before their bye-byes. i have a cough, it’s more than a month now. i’m afraid i might have gotten this from them coz if it’s normal cough then it would have been cured after a week or so. i’ve tried a lot of medications and they’re not working so well. i went to the doctor, she said acute bronchitis. i had my x-ray, it said negative chest. what the heck was that? is there also a positive chest? i don’t understand the explanation coz my mom was the one who talked to whoever in the hospital. i’m coughing so hard, and it’s embarrassing specially when i have my tutorial classes. it’s giving me a hard time. sometimes when i wake up early in the morning, i can’t breathe properly. feels like i’m dying or something. shit. i’m planning to take a leave from work so i can rest coz the doctor says it might be because of stress. blah. whatever. i want all the phlegm out of my lungs! now na!

anyway, i hope everybody will have a merry merry christmas and a happy new year. (T_T)

Issue #1 - i prayed for one but it doesn’t really mean that i’m ready. or maybe i am. so unsure. it came, and now i’m struggling. i don’t know how to handle it.

questions fill my mind. is it my own malice that gives color to things happening around me? am i taking things too personally? the answer would be a big yes, obviously. but i refuse to take it.
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Issue #2 - i know what normal is. normal means acceptable and usual. well, i know it would depend really on someone’s background — values, traditions, and what-have-yous. but normal won’t apply to what i have experienced.
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Issue #3 - my parents would always tell me to share whatever i have… but it’s a different thing when you share something with a person who’s shown you signs of admiration… it would have been better if i managed things voluntarily, but it was all more of an unwanted obligation. it’s funny. hmmm, not really… i wanna laugh it off, but that’s too fake of me. this isn’t that serious… yet! slowly, i can feel it creeping towards me. i guess it’s easier to just let things fly by, don’t you think?

you’re inches away but i can’t seem to hold you…

could you be more subtle? i’m losing my mind…

don’t be harsh please, you push me too hard…

i want to let go, honestly, but i don’t need to…

tell me it’s okay, i beg of you!

life is full of surprises…i know… but why do you have to be one of them?

i think of so many things these past few days… i think about my work, family, friends, plans and you…

okay, so obviously i am so into you… like you invade my mind every minute of the day… i always daydream of you and me in a white sand beach cozying up in a hammock while listening to Mariah Carey’s "My All"… so sweet, sensual, intoxicating… 

but why did you have to leave me like a little beggar on the road?! i only want a bit of your oh-so-precious time… but you are selfish! brute!

you left me maimed… i dunno what to say or how to react to your surprises… i felt dumb… ’twas so silly of me to want you… you were in front of me, yet i couldn’t do shit about it… this just sucks all my guts out…

i guess the friendliest word next to fuck is okay… so i’m just gonna say OKAY! it’s all okay with me… but honestly it still sucks not being able to own you! yeah, OWN you like a toy dog! punyemas, had i known you’d slip through my hand like sand, i would’ve been nicer… but i think i wasn’t so you ran away with that "pusang-gala"! pakyu man! you hit me hard with that!

i know, i should’ve known better!!!

enough of this crap… let me just tell you… i’m now gathering all my energy to flush you out of my system… i’m working hard on it!

well i guess this letter ends here…

Sincerely,

MOI